so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
