paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
