I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
