How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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