I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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