I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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