So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
