is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
