but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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