oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize