you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
