you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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