I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
