You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
