porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
