i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
as a side note pls kill me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
