my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
