Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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