the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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