When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
