so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
