Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
