but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
