Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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