somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
