Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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