Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
