she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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