I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
