Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
