I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
