she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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