She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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