My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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