I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
