Don't you send me to vm
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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