five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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