guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
