ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize