that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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