we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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