I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
