well I can't set my house on fire every night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
two words: eviction party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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