I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
