Pappa wants mamma naked
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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