when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
