The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
