I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
