she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize