my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
