Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
