look no pants
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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