Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
