I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My pussy is not your playground.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
