I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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