Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i will never coherently bang her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
