Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
