i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
