her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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