Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
