there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's like God shit irony all over that family
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
