He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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