Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
