I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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