Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize