I CAN MOONWALK!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
