can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
