Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How naked do you want me to be?
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