Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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