Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
