you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
