Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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