These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
