it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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