So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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