it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
