allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
