Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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