actually, I'm a sock model
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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