the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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