so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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