Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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