can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
