i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
