i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
