I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
