i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
