I cannot find my penis.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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