My nipple is on Facebook.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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