Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
