Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
