So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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