Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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