I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
