As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize