Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
