honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
