apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
