im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
