I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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