i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its not stalking. its research.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
