i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
