If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's blow job season.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
