i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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