Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
two words: eviction party
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize