I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
