Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
