whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
