Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
