two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
