remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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