if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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