I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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