the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize