so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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