Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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